The STOP Skill: A 60-Second Reset for Overwhelm
When emotions surge, the STOP skill gives you a fast, reliable way to pause and choose your next move—rather than reacting on autopilot.
S — Stop. Freeze for a beat. Don’t speak, send, or act.
T — Take a step back. Breathe. Create a little space.
O — Observe. Notice thoughts, feelings, body signals, and what’s happening around you.
P — Proceed mindfully. Choose the next best action that serves your goals and values.
You can run this whole sequence in under a minute—and the more you practice, the easier it gets.
Why the STOP Skill Works
Interrupts the “amygdala hijack.” Big emotions (anger, fear, shame) can temporarily silence the brain’s planning center and push you into fight/flight/freeze. Stopping for a few seconds interrupts that chain reaction.
Restores thinking power. Stepping back with a few slow breaths nudges your nervous system toward “rest & digest,” bringing your prefrontal cortex (clear thinking, judgment) back online.
Reduces intensity by labeling. Observing and naming what you feel (“this is anxiety in my chest”) lowers emotional charge (“name it to tame it”).
Aligns actions with values. Proceeding mindfully turns a trigger into a choice point. You act from your goals, not from the spike of the moment.
This is a core skill in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and other evidence-based approaches. Think of it as a tiny protocol for regaining control.
How to Do STOP (step-by-step)
1) S — Stop (2–3 seconds)
Freeze your body. Plant your feet. Unclench your jaw and hands.
Do nothing: don’t reply, don’t hit send, don’t walk away in a huff.
Cue phrase: “Pause. I’m safe enough to take a beat.”
Pro tip: If you’re mid-conversation, buy time: “Give me a second to think about that.”
2) T — Take a step back (5–20 seconds)
Take three slow breaths (in through the nose, out longer than in).
Try a simple 4-count in, 6-count out or quiet box breathing (4-4-4-4).
If you can, literally step back or sit down. Changing posture signals safety to your nervous system.
Pro tip: Can’t breathe slowly yet? Try a physiological sigh: inhale, quick top-up inhale, long exhale.
3) O — Observe (10–20 seconds)
Scan three channels:
Body: Where do you feel it? Tight chest, hot face, shaking?
Emotion: Name it simply: anxious, angry, hurt, disappointed, overwhelmed.
Mind & Situation:
What story is running? (“They don’t respect me.”)
What are the facts I can see/hear right now?
What triggered this?
Pro tip: Use the “What’s one fact / what’s one feeling?” mini-check to separate story from sensation.
4) P — Proceed mindfully (10–20 seconds)
Ask one quick guiding question, then act:
What’s my goal here? (to be heard / to stay safe / to finish the task / to be kind to myself)
What’s one next step that moves me toward that goal?
Pick a skillful action:
Speak calmly (“Let’s pause and come back in 10 minutes.”).
Set a boundary (“I’m not okay with that tone; let’s restart.”).
Delay the decision (schedule time).
Self-soothe (water, walk, grounding).
Reframe (“This is uncomfortable, not impossible.”).
Pro tip: If you’re still at a 9/10 intensity, repeat STOP or switch to a grounding tool (5–4–3–2–1 senses, splash cool water, step outside).
Want help putting it into practice? Join us! We practice together, and help one another!
